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Jun. 7th, 2015

Hooking up.

Ok. I haven't told anyone that I'm talking to my old high school crush. We haven't hooked up yet (had sex) but we talk about it often.

We both don't want a relationship. At times, I think he's still in a relationship. Is that bad? Should I outright ask? I don't want to know. I don't care to know.

I think most of my apathy towards this subject is due to my past relationship. Being dumped just made me not care for anyone. It's never been like that before and I don't feel like my feelings will change anytime soon.

I want something physical and yes, at times I just want someone to talk to. And this person is perfect for that.

Should I feel bad?

Jun. 3rd, 2015

Terrible Life Choices.

I'm trying to experience new things. Whether they be good or bad. I've lived a pretty vanilla lifestyle my entire life.

This passed weekend I got actually drunk and vomited on a friend's couch/floor. She was incredibly understanding and wasn't upset over it. I cleaned up my mess of course. That was a first experience. I'm sure I can go another 23 years without doing that again.

I've been talking to an old high school crush lately. I still have a crush on him but our relationship is plainly for hooking up purposes. Which I'm ok with. His situation is complicated (whatever it may be because I don't have too much info about it, nor do I ask).

As of now I will be moving in Aug 1 to a much bigger city. I'm excited and scared. So many changes to come in the next few months. I'll make sure to tackle it head on!

May. 27th, 2015

A Little of Everything.

Ok, so I've been sort of missing from here for a bit. Terribly sorry. I keep wanting to comment on friend's journal entries but I feel like I'm coming in "mid-show" and don't have enough info to make an informed comment. Anyway, I hope all of you are doing good and I'll try and be more present and attentive here soon.

I've gotten all my school stuff settled I'm just wanting for authorization to take my state test. I'm a bit iffy about it but I'm eager to get it over with.

Let's see...well for a while now I've been having a "text" relationship/friendship with an old unrequited high school crush of mine. We talk a lot about sex and sleeping together but we haven't met up or anything like that. I honestly don't want to. His life is really complicated and...sad. So I feel it's best just to stay away. He's nice to talk to. He's incredibly funny and although at times my sarcasm gets the best of him, he takes it in stride.

So I haven't gone on an actual date with the girl I was hoping to take out. A few days ago she said that maybe we should get together this weekend and do something...not sure what that something may be. But I'm looking forward to it if it actually happens.

Good news! I've gone two days without soda. I have been headache free! I also have been portioning my meals and walking most everyday :) I'm excited. Hope to see results and keep going strong.

May. 13th, 2015

Tokyo Ghoul.

I like it. It sort of disturbs me at times. Maybe it's the ghouls eating humans. Even though I can handle Attack on Titan, this just makes my stomach churn a little.

This anime's story isn't that strong I want to say. I'm definitely more interested in AoT. It does have some good characters. I'll admit they even seem to rival AoT's characters. We'll see how it goes. I have already majorly spoiled myself on season two's happenings (things you can't avoid while on the internet).

May. 10th, 2015

Here we go.

Do you ever find yourself in the position where people voluntarily tell you about their lives? When they didn't used to.

Lately, or rather, ever since I was dumped. I find myself on the receiving end of these drawn out stories about other's lives. Oh, but not the good aspects of their lives but rather their problems. Am I more relatable now that I'm single?

Anyway, I don't mind it. I just find it odd. I don't even ask what's wrong or anything; they just sit down and talk. I listen. Although, my advice is usually not what they want to hear, I do offer it now and again.

Is this strange?

May. 5th, 2015


Maybe you have noticed I have'nt posted much lately. I've been so focused on school. Well I'm here to tell you that I HAVE PASSED THE REGISTERED NURSING PROGRAM. Yes, all my blood, sweat anfld tears have paid off. No one can take this feeling from me. I did this; I earned this.

Now for the phase of withdrawls. Where I don't know what to do with myself. So much love for everyone right now!

Apr. 23rd, 2015

A smile for today.

So aced a test. Graduation in two weeks. Hopefully date is still on. Life is looking good, so have a pic! I'll probably post another journal in a while.

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Apr. 22nd, 2015

Free to Be You and Me.

Ok, so advice please.

It is not the charge of my friends to keep me in line. I comically told them to restrain me from trying to get into another relationship because...well I don't need that right now. I'm perfectly happy being single. How can I explain it...I'm content.

Anyway, well I then decided after some hints to ask a friend of mine out for a date. My friend is a woman. I've never dated a woman before, but I've been curious about it for a while. I've never identified as bisexual. I probably will never.

I find women visually stunning, but I'm not so attracted that I'd ask them out for dates. No, the only type I'd consider asking out for a date is one who I've grown very close to and have spent a lot of time with. Even then...my choice is very specific. I don't really know how to explain it.

My thoughts are - even though I was curious about it, I would've have never asked for a date if it wasn't that specific person. If she said no, I wouldn't go out and look for another girl.

I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't think she does either. She is also seeing another man (who is ok with all of this and so am I).

Is this right to do? Are we just being curious?

Apr. 17th, 2015

Oh God.

I may not have shippers on my friend's list but I LOVE this video. WARNING - Explicit.

Apr. 13th, 2015

I let him have it.

Ok, so just to put my mind at ease. I asked my ex why he broke up with me - because he gave me really vague answers at first.

So he dumped me because we went to sleep at different times...he also dumped me because we didn't have anything in common.

So I repeated those reasons to him with examples. I basically said, "So, you don't like me because I don't go to sleep at 8pm and because I don't like hunting?"

And he said no...he doesn't care if I don't like hunting (his only hobby). He just said whenever he would talk to me I seemed bored. WHAT THE FUCK WORLD IS HE LIVING IN? I never said I was bored or told him to stfu. Every time I asked him about his day he would literally say, "I rode a tractor all day." THAT'S ABOUT IT.

How about every time I talked? Any time I tried to have a regular convo with him he'd either get pissed off or start crying...if I talked about my work he wouldn't contribute...if I talked about people he would judge me....Like, what the fuck do you want from me you psycho.

And get this...he said he hadn't liked me since November.........

Restrain me. If I see him in public he better not even look at me funny because I will....ugh. I can't right now.

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